Working with our Shadow Self 

By Jennica Anusua

In the era of self-care, self-love, and a generally more open discussion of therapy and mental wellness, the subject of shadow work is becoming more prominent and frequent. So, what is shadow work, why do we do it, and how do we start it? 

The “shadow self” was first popularized by the famous psychoanalyst Carl Jung, who believed it was comprised of the parts of yourself that you reject – rejections that reach into our childhood. He described it as the unconscious and disowned parts of our personalities that the ego fails to see, acknowledge, and accept. It is any part of ourselves that has not surfaced into our consciousness. It is also born of interactions we had with the people closest to us in childhood through conditioning to believe that there are “good” and “bad” parts of us. The “bad” parts are the ones that we reject and are thrust into the shadow space. 

The shadow self is fed, and grows, each time we repress something. For example, a young and emotionally sensitive child might be reprimanded for crying and then learns to “act tough” and suppress emotional expression, leading to difficulty with showing emotions in his adulthood. Or, perhaps, a child is told during a tantrum “Stop it! Stop being bad!” and that expression of anger is consistently met with the idea of “Stop! Be good.” In that case, the child might equate being angry with being bad, thus beginning to dissociate from angry feelings. This may lead to a sense that they have to “have it all together” in adulthood – and that anger is alive in them but cannot be expressed. 

All of these subtle shadow-self ideas are sifted and live within the subconscious and affect everything we do. When we behave or react a certain way without conscious understanding of why we do it, we are encountering our shadow selves. 

To be sure: the shadow self is not always negative and dark. Beautiful, important things may end up in our shadow selves, as well. A child who is confident and gregarious may be told they are “too much” at a young age, and thus begins to repress the strong and confident elements of themself in favor of being quiet, sweet and obedient. This silencing is painful, even if it can allow for more effective functionality or survival in the world later in life. The silencing, however, often leads to feelings of being divided and unsure of how to embrace confidence and strength. 

How to spot and engage with your shadow self

So, now we know what can be contained within the shadow self, but how do we recognize it if it is subconscious? There are three common manifestations:

1) Projection

This is a common way people highlight engagement with shadow work. When we see things we dislike in others, or point out others’ flaws, we are often noting and focusing on things we dislike in ourselves/elements of our shadow selves. 

2) Triggers

Despite this becoming a little bit of a “buzzword” in the modern era, triggers are understood to be reminders of our past trauma. Events that cause conflict and discomfort can be understood as messages that guide us toward consciousness of something buried deep within us. 

3) Patterns

Recurring themes, moments and experiences are examples of our shadow wanting to be seen and accepted. Within patterns, you will be given the opportunity to see themes and aspects of your shadow self and reconcile with them. Often negative experiences being repeated can be understood as opportunities to respond differently and break cycles that no longer serve you. 

Shadow Integration 

Despite it sounding somewhat ominous, shadow work is simply the means of making the unconscious more conscious – and, importantly, accepting what you discover. Embrace and love the rejected parts of you. Grow and expand your sense of identity through the practice of integration. 

Some ways to begin your shadow work:

1) Review your childhood

Ask about times you did not feel accepted as a child, or felt judged or that you needed to change or edit yourself. 

2) Become aware of your shadow

Once you recognize the elements that you rejected, spend time reflecting on them. If negative, make peace and release it from the shadow space. If it is a positive aspect, reunite with it and call your power back. 

3) Don’t shame the shadow

This step is hard. Give that shadow lots of love, compassion, and acceptance. Your tendency will be to feel shame and want to reject (you have for a long time) so lean even further toward love and acceptance than you think you need to. Antagonizing the shadow only further builds pain around it, and remember - the shadow is a part of you. 

4) Use your triggers

When you have a trigger this is a message. Triggers are often reflections of deep unresolved wounds and open your eyes to things that have been suppressed, and allow you to step back and observe it instead of living in it. 

5) Observe without judgment

This one is a pretty self explanatory - by observing it without judgment, we are opening ourselves to the practice of self love, forgiveness and integration.